Thursday, February 12, 2009

Dear John

As some of you know, I was recently laid off from my job. It came as quite a shock to me despite the current state of the economy. That being said, here is my "Dear John" letter to all of the employers I have ever had.

Dear John,

Greetings from Planet Elle. I hope this finds you well, although I doubt that it does. You no longer have me as your employee and have most likely crawled under your desk to assume the fetal position until another fun-loving, fashionable, and creative type comes along. Planet Elle is a lovely place where I get to sleep in, take long walks with my dog, and work out as much (or as little) as I want to. The colors are brighter, the air is fresher, and my step is signficantly lighter. I do what I want to do when I want to do it, and the only person I have to answer to is God. I am the CEO, Commander in Chief, and Senior Vice President of Social Activities on Planet Elle. (Georgia will replace me for all aforementioned titles in the event that I have to return to Earth AKA Corporate America to resume my role as the low woman on the totem pole.)

While living on Planet Elle is nothing short of magical, my bills and rent must still be paid. I know that I have to return to Earth at some point and hope to do so with a company I respect and hold dear to my heart. My recent departure from my last employer was not a slap in my face-it was the exact opposite. It was the push I needed to find something I am passionate about...a job that captures who I am and what I believe in. I long to go to work each day excited to do my job because I truly care about what I am doing. I realize that in this economy I might have to take a job that I don't like, but dreams are always encouraged on Planet Elle. That's why I love it here :)

Since entering the working world about 6 years ago, I have always felt like I was a bird being held captive by my wings by my employer du jour. I yearned to break free but was never allowed to do so. At my most recent vocation, I at least was given a small cage to fly around in. Eight days ago I got to fly out of my cage where I flew all the way home. I felt as light as a hummingbird and as powerful as an eagle. I have been given the chance to finally do something that I want to do. It might not be anytime soon, but it will happen. I am fiercely determined to make some pretty amazing lemonade out of some pretty lousy lemons. It might not be the best time to make lemonade, but all things are possible with God on my side and my personal drive to succeed.

For now, I am contuining to float around Planet Elle without a care in the world. I know that I will be forced to return to Earth in the near future. Or at least I know I have to since someone has to pay for this incredible planet's existence. Until then, I am stopping to smell the roses and enjoying all things that are free. I am marveling in a sunny afternoon at the dog park with Georgia and a night of watching movies at home. Phone calls with friends and time spent with family have taken on a whole new meaning.

So, dear John, I want to thank you. This former flightless bird has finally flown off to a much better and more lovely place. I am soaring along with God and Georgia by my side.

With love,


Tuesday, February 3, 2009

All the single ladies...

Single ladies beware: If your married/engaged/taken friends offer to "talk to guys for you and introduce you to them," please heed my warning. This is a dangerous trap!!! Do not do as I do every single time and fall victim to their selfless offer to do this. They almost always have a hidden agenda to flirt with, dance with, take shots with cute single guys under the guise of helping out their poor single girl friend. Trust me, this is 100% true. I learned this the hard way during a recent trip to NYC.

My married friend Liz (love you Liz!!!) and I met up with two of her married friends from DC for a night out after our dinner at the lovely Artisinal (2 Park Place, New York City, NY.) Her friends couldn't wait to "help me meet guys." They both have young children and hadn't been out in months. These girls were fun, and I couldn't wait to see what the night had in store for us. We bar hopped around the Village and finally ended up at Brass Monkey, a NY hot spot for young singles. After waiting for about 15 minutes in the (literally) freezing cold weather (good thing I had my faux fur jacket to keep me warm ;), we were finally inside ready to scope out the men.

I couldn't believe how many cute guys there were inside...I had hit the jackpot. We immediately went to the bar for some additional liquid courage. Liz's friends asked me to point out the cutest guy in the room and assured me I would be chatting with him in no time. I sat down at the bar vodka tonic in hand and excitement filled my every pore as they approached Bachelor #1. Sure enough, they escorted him over to me in record time. They introduced me to him, and I started chatting him up. No sooner had I asked him where he was from, when one of Liz's friends pulled him up to her and started a deep conversation with him. EXCUSEZ-MOI??? I think not. Since I am a sweet Southern girl, I let the married woman have her fun. There were plenty of other fish in the sea that night.

The other friend, having seen what happened, asked me to find another guy I would want to talk to. I spied Bachelor #2 from across the bar and pointed him out to her. She practically ran over to him and introduced herself. After a few minutes of flirting, I mean talking, she brought him over to me. "Joe, this is Elle," she says. "Hi, Joe. How's it going?" I ask. The words had barely left my mouth when she turns her back to me and begins an animated conversation with him. Strike #2.

Thankfully a very cute Australian boy sat down next to me, and we talked for a few minutes. Unfortunately, he was there with a seemingly under aged female posse who shot a wide variety of death glares at me throughout our conversation. Strike #3...and I was out.

My three strikes happened after all 4 of us were drooling over the yummy bartender Jason. I would never actually want to date a bartender (just b/c you probably can't trust them), but they are always fun to flirt with and valuable people to know. I tried my best to talk to him, but the other married girls kept pushing me out of the conversation.

Therefore, I now adamantly REFUSE to let my married/non-single friends introduce me to guys in this type of setting. After the escapades in NY, I made a promise to myself to do my own matchmaking when I am out. Single ladies, join me now and stand up to the non-single girls who just want to have fun at YOUR expense. This is inappropriate, selfish behavior, and we need to take a stand against it. I am all about my non-single friends introducing me to guys when we are out if it is completely innocent on their part...I have just never seen it happen. And remember, every time you treat your single girl friend like this, there is another single girl out there flirting with your husband...